Anna was blindsided when her boss called her into a conference room and told her that their company was closing its doors for good that afternoon.

“We had just hired a new employee and intern earlier that month. And then all of a sudden we were all packing up our desks,” she recalls.

After the initial shock wore off, she felt a mixture of relief and anxiety. “I had wanted to change career paths for a while, and this opened the door for me to do so. But I was nervous about telling my family and friends that I lost my job. I felt embarrassed even though it was totally out of my control.”

It took her a week to work up the courage to tell her family. “I finally met my dad for dinner and told him. He couldn’t have been more supportive. I felt silly for having felt nervous – instead I found that telling my close friends and family took a huge weight off my shoulders.” 

Anna realized they were genuinely excited about the opportunities ahead of her, which in turn made her feel more positive about her future.

“When you lose a job it’s natural to feel a mixture of shock, embarrassment and shame,” says Dr. Susan Bartell, a psychologist in Port Washington, New York and the CEO of LifeTalk University. “But the truth is if you tell your support system you are going to rally better.”

A supportive group of family and friends will keep you from “cocooning yourself away and feeling all alone, which can make you more susceptible to depression,” says Dr. Bartell. Perhaps just as importantly, “telling people is the first step to getting your networking going and brainstorming your next steps. So it’s critical to talk to people you trust right away.”

Here Dr. Bartell offers four helpful tips on how to best tell your family and friends you lost your job:

1. Talk in a private setting when there won’t be any distractions. Tell them at a time when you both are able to sit and process the information. Your inclination might be to talk and run, but force yourself to have a full, focused conversation.

2. Say it right away. There’s no need to build up to the news. Say it and then ask for help brainstorming about the future. The bulk of the conversation should be focused on next steps.

3. Resist the urge to let your confidantes fuel feelings of anger or bitterness. These negative emotions won’t help you move forward. Instead, you should be asking your support system to help you layout the steps you need to take that day, in the next week and in the next month. It’s possible that your friends might think you want them to join you in bashing your old boss. In that case, you need to tell them that you need their help in looking toward the future, not at the past.

4. Remember that it’s OK to stop talking to a friend about the situation if you don’t like the way she’s responding. This is a time when you need to surround yourself with people who are supportive. If someone is being critical or negative, then there is no reason to keep her in your support network.