As long as I’ve been conscious of the sky above me, black holes have been a source of wonderment and fascination.

Just consider the concept of an ultimate irresistible force in the vastness of space. This phenomenon and the question "How close is too close to a black hole?" have had my mind doing somersaults over the years.

Despite such fear and awesomeness (or perhaps because of them) physicists in Switzerland and the United States are even trying to recreate black holes at the cost of billions of dollars

I could have saved them the money.

I’ve actually identified many mini black holes right here on Earth: one being the penny souvenir machines at tourist traps around the globe. You know, the ones that give you some kind of commemorative stamp on what used to be penny to remind you of your visit to wherever it may be.

These devices are called hand-cranked press-a-penny souvenir machines. If you get too close they instantly suck 51 cents out of your pocket, never to be seen again.

Stephen Hawking, one of our generations’ brightest nuclear physicists might describe the process as something like this:

"As the penny reaches the event horizon its molecules get flattened and elongated, behavior conforming to all quantum mechanics equations used in computer models to determine the presence of a black hole."

Can you see where I’m going with this? When a black hole reaches its natural conclusion it spits out any useless matter it has left over, e.g. a squished penny. Useless, deformed and mangled. What more evidence do you need?

As I’ve dedicated my life to rescuing underappreciated coinage, the thought of these penny-devouring machines has me in constant worry. Notwithstanding the obvious physical abuse of the castigated penny, something else was gnawing at the back of my mind and I had to investigate further.

My recreational reading took me to Title 18, Part I, Chapter 17, Section 331 of the United States Code (the part that deals with ‘mutilation, diminution, and falsification of coins’) and it states, "Whoever fraudulently alters, defaces, mutilates, impairs, diminishes…blah, blah, blah…shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both."

And there it was.

Now clearly I’m no lawyer, but it does sound like there is a whole industry out there whose business model is based solely on breaking the law.

We can argue over legal definitions but the fact is this: Every time a defenseless penny is morphed into a useless keepsake and therefore taken out of circulation, shouldn’t there be a Treasury bond holder out there scratching his head?

Save the penny, respect the penny!