Who doesn’t love trick-or-treating?

Even for those too old for wax lips and Spongebob costumes, trick-or-treating is still fun to enjoy with family, friends and neighbors. This Halloween, however, it feels like there are more tricks than treats. The economy has yet to take the promised upswing, swine flu fears are running rampant, and your coworker totally stole your “Balloon Boy” costume idea.

Well, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy some good old-fashioned Halloween fun. With our modern guide to trick-or-treating, you’ll be strapping on your old Joanie Loves Chachi mask in no time.

Keep Your Pennies

This year, you might be tempted to forgo buying candy all together and just give out loose change. This is a slippery slope, however. It starts with change, and before you know it you’re giving out buttons and marbles like that creepy old lady down the block. You’ll forever be labeled “that house,” the one that routinely gets egged every year for its lack of good treats. Better to give out anything sweet you have around the house (Tic Tacs?) than a handful of Lincolns.

Decorate Your Own Candy Hearts

These days, it’s important that kids learn the value of a dollar. And what better way to teach them a lesson than through candy heart messages? Many websites allow you to decorate candy hearts with your own slogans. Instead of “Happy Halloween,” offer helpful financial advice like “Start Saving for College” or “Be Wary of High Interest Credit Cards.” They may not understand now, but they’ll thank you when they have spotless credit in 20 years.

Sanitize Your Little Ghosts and Goblins

For germaphobes, Halloween is far scarier than the umpteenth Saw sequel. Grubby kids come to your home with candy-covered hands or your sickly coworker insists that you try one of their homemade ghost cookies.

And don’t even get us started on bobbing for apples, which is like sticking your head in a giant petri dish. This year, with H1N1 fears on the rise, parents want to be extra careful when their kids reach for that candied apple or Zagnut bar.

Our solution? Pass out Halloween-themed hand sanitizer. Decorate the dispensers with pumpkin stickers and tell the filthy little trick-or-treaters that it’s actually ghostly ectoplasm. They’ll be slathering it all over their germy hands in no time, and you’ll be healthy at least through Christmas.

Tricks For Homemade Treats

Every Halloween it’s the same thing — you go out of your way to make delicious homemade treats for the neighborhood kids, and their uptight parents won’t let them take any. Don’t take anything that isn’t wrapped, they say. It might have razor blades or rat poison in it.

So what’s the solution?

Wrap your homemade treats in plastic. Add a cheap witch sticker for effect. It’s wrapped, so they have to accept it. For all the parent knows, you could have picked up those bat cupcakes at the store. Just don’t actually put razor blades in them. That’ll get the neighborhood watch on you but quick.

Maximize Your Decorations

Sure, you’re known as the home with the best Halloween decorations on the block. But this year, the only thing sending a chill down your spine is your diminished 401k. So why not opt for easy scares this year? Instead of a putting up that expensive Frankenstein model, just put a photo of beleaguered character actor Gary Busey in the window. Or how about combining your holidays? Decorate your lawn with “evil” butcher knife-wielding Santas toting bags full of human heads. Then, after Thanksgiving, replace the knife with a candy cane and the heads with presents. Instant holiday cheer!

Add your own below! Happy Halloween!